Mundane Doesn't Describe It

For the slackatudinally challenged.

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Location: United States

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. Mark Twain, Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take any chances. - Unknown, I am retired and have tried to do as little as possible - slowly. Me.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

A Can of Salmon

I have some relatives who just went on a cruise to Alaska. As with my relatives they always bring back something for everybody. They bought a nice necklace for Family Mom and when I got my gift I saw I got a can of Smoked King Salmon. Needless to say I was overjoyed. The can has on the label it’s all natural and ready to eat. Although I don’t think I would open it. I figure I’m going to get a lot of miles out of this can.

I figure this can is going to show up at every family gathering and holiday get together for the next year. I’m looking forward to Christmas when we all take down our stocking and I pull out a can of Salmon. While everyone else is opening their new presents I’ll be waving my can of Salmon aloft saying look at what I have, just look. Tiny Tim won’t have a thing on me, and if I weren’t so big I’d have a relative carry me on their shoulder. I’ll be scrooge bringing the Xmas goose and Tim marveling at it all rolled up into one.

Now you may think this is being mean, but it’s not really. Every family has its eccentric and in my family I guess I’m the one. I can say something and my family will laugh. I didn’t mean it to be funny, but they laugh just the same. Even though I’m near my mid fifties they still treat me as a kid sometimes. Do I mind? Nope. Plus I figure that can of Salmon will let my relatives know they had better have a little more imagination the next time they go on a trip. I mean they went to Alaska. A little gold nugget or a baby seal would have done, but a can of fish. I’m thinking of going to the grocery store and buying another can of smoked salmon and tell em it's multiplying.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate them thinking of me, but I’ve never been a big canned fish fan. I decided it’s one of those after thought presents. They were probably thinking, “Oh FM, we’ve got to get him something too.” “Why look here, we’re right in front of cans of salmon.” “A can of salmon, that’s the ticket.” Thank goodness they weren’t in front of the feminine hygiene products.

So I’ll keep my can of salmon and bring it out every now and then. Anytime my relatives say something that needs a retort, I’ll just hold up the salmon. The next time my relatives ask me to do something, I’ll hold up the can of salmon. I’ll never open that can of salmon and might even have a special pocket to carry it. That way if I hear, Oh FM, zip the salmon is right at hand.

So you see there are some advantages to having your family thinking you’re eccentric.

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