A Long Night

Have you ever taken care of a parent or a loved old one and they scare the hell out of you? Tonight Fmom did that to me. She was up and talking to a great aunt that died 30 years ago. She kept talking about how she had to go somewhere and calling me by one of the other brother’s names. I’ve been up most of the night with her and finally gotten her settled down and I think I figured out the reason. Her doctor just prescribed Ambien for her and at the moment I'm not sure that’s what has done it. I do know I was up walking and talking after I had taken it before. That’s the reason I don’t take it anymore. I’ll be up all night watching her and making sure she doesn’t get up and fall, but this is definitely scaring me.

I guess another reason I’m scared, and I always get this way after one of these trips, is because she wanted me to take her out to the farm and family cemetery. Most of the times she will just sit in the car and look out at the cemetery, but today she was out of the car and went to my father’s and her marker, my grandparents and to see old friends of hers. I was following close behind her while George was sprinting back and forth between the front gate and us. She took more time this time to look at each marker and after seeing George and I becoming impatient she finally came away.

When you’re young you really don’t think of passing away, you don’t have time for it. In my late forties after much thought and a little fright, I finally came to the conclusion that one-day I will die. It actually took me awhile to come to grips with that. Now it doesn’t bother me, and one day I hope to meet it with grace. The inevitability of it happening is assured and we never know when, but the only thing we can do for loved ones is to be there. To hope that anything we do makes their lives easier.

Fmom is awake again and she’s more coherent. I’m pretty sure of what it was, and I do know she won’t be taking Ambien again.