Sheet Snobs

I found out about an insidious group of people some months ago. These people are supposedly all over the world and they love what they have and even flaunt it. These people are the “Sheet Snobs”. When I first found out about them, I knew I had to delve farther into the back alleys of Home and Garden. I had to find out what drove these people to speak not in hushed tones, but loudly about Egyptian cotton sheet. Never in my life had the thought of Egyptian cotton come to mind, and to me a sheet was a sheet, but these people, with their noses held high, spoke of these sheets as if they were handed down from a high. So I decided to investigate.

I found that cotton grown in Egypt has a staple length of over 2 1/4", twice the size of that in generic cotton and 60% longer than Pima cotton. On May 17, 1927, the Misr Spinning and Weaving Company, in Al-Mehalla Al-Kobra, was founded, which is indeed the backbone of spinning and weaving industry in Egypt. Now that I’ve found this out I had to look at some of the sheets on the Internet. I never knew a set of sheets could cost the same as a house payment, but some places do charge that.

Being the ever-curious person I am, I decided to forego half a year’s income and buy a couple of sets of these wonder sheets. They were delivered yesterday afternoon and I figure by tomorrow morning I’ll know if there is such a thing as sleeping on a cloud. Regardless if I think they’re great or not, now I’m a Sheet Snob. I’ll be able to say, “ Only the best cotton comes from Egypt”, and I’ll be able to break down historically, staple length and thread count why these sheets are superior.

Now you might wonder why a person who continually dozes off in his computer chair would buy such a thing. I mean I can sleep anywhere/anytime. So why do I need these? I don’t, but I now know more about sheets, thread count and much more than I ever wanted to know. However, I have noticed one side effect of buying these sheets. I find myself walking around the house seeing the ceiling a lot more. I’ve never been a snob of any sorts, but I do notice my nose keeps pointing up for some reason. The next thing I might have to try is one of those new mattresses with the springs. Just think, never having to replace corn shucks and chicken feathers again. Oh the joys of fine living.